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rocketfic | something blue

Title: Something Blue by Rocketchick
Rating: 15+ Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Notes: Set amongst spoilers for the week of April 13th. My take on how the wedding could go down, after Olivia's declaration.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this."

Natalia had turned, handed Olivia her bouquet, and walked away so quickly she was halfway back down the aisle before Frank managed to even muster a reaction.

"Natalia, wait!" he called.

Her pace only quickened. She grabbed her coat from the back pew and burst out of the church into the falling snow. "I'm sorry," she said over her shoulder, as the door shut behind her.

Olivia blinked, mirroring Frank's own expression of slackjawed shock. In her peripheral vision, Doris was wiggling her fingers, trying to get her attention. She looked up to see the mayor mouth the word "Go" with obvious intent, and it snapped her out of her stupor.

She stepped across the altar and smacked the bouquets into Frank's chest. "I'll talk to her," she declared, heading down the aisle and ignoring Frank's protest.

"Mommy, what happened?" Emma asked.

Olivia stopped and knelt in front of her daughter. "I don't know, baby. I'm gonna go check on Natalia." She looked over Emma's shoulder at Rafe. "Look after her?"

He nodded, and gave her an encouraging smile. She grabbed her coat and ran out of the church in search of her friend.

Even though Springfield was a small town, and a woman trundling through the snow in a wedding gown should have been relatively conspicuous, Natalia evaded the search for several hours.

By the time it was dark, Olivia was almost frantic. Finally Frank had called her cell and mentioned putting out an APB. She stalled him, saying she still had one last place to look.

When she spotted the shadowy form huddled in the gazebo, she almost fell over in relief.

Olivia jogged across the street and bounded up the steps, fighting the urge to immediately take Natalia into her arms.

"Hey," she murmured.

Natalia looked over her shoulder, shivering and miserable, but remained silent.

"Okay, I won't bother you. I'm just glad you're safe." Olivia nodded, then turned back to the steps, ready to disappear back into the snowy evening.

"Please don't go."

Olivia froze and inhaled a sharp breath at the sadness she heard in her friend's voice. She paced across the gazebo and stood next to Natalia, then stared into the snow so hard that after a few minutes she couldn't tell if it was falling or she was flying up into the night.

"I've ruined everything," Natalia whispered.

"No, you haven't."

"I hurt Frank. I hurt you."

"We'll both be okay, as long as you're happy."

Finally, in light of the day's revelations, Natalia understood exactly what her friend had meant by that all along. "God, Olivia. I can't believe... all the things you did? For me?"

Olivia pursed her lips and looked away.

"No one has ever..." Natalia took a breath, fighting tears. "No one has ever loved me like that."

Immediately, Olivia looked back at her, eyes wide with anguish. "I have never loved anyone the way I love you," she said.

It sounded like a vow, and Natalia believed it. She was quite certain no one had ever seen Olivia Spencer torn open like she was at that moment. The raw, naked emotion pulled at her. She surged forward, capturing Olivia's face in her hands, and kissed her, hard.

Immediately, Olivia's arms rose to wrap around Natalia's waist, pulling her closer as she responded to the desperate, consuming touch. In a minute they were tugging at each other in equal parts longing, fear, and frustration. She felt Natalia's fingers fist in the folds of her coat.

When they broke apart, they panted plumes of hot breath that billowed and fogged between them. Natalia's eyes were screwed shut as she pressed her forehead to Olivia's. "I don't understand this... I don't know..."

"Shh, it's okay. We'll figure it out," Olivia interjected. "I promise."

Natalia nodded a bit. "Where are Rafe and Emma?"

"Home. Safe. They're fine. I can take you..."

"I don't think I can go back there right now."

"Then you don't have to. You can stay at the Beacon." She watched Natalia's face fall at the oblique reminder of the reserved honeymoon suite. "Or anywhere else," she added quickly. "Wanna leave town? Just tell me where you want to go."

"I don't know. Everything hurts," Natalia said. She crumpled, trying not to cry.

Olivia eyed her, sensing she was close to falling apart completely. Her instincts told her to protect her friend, but she knew her instincts had led her woefully off-course in recent weeks. "I'll take care of it," she said, with certainty she did not feel. "Come on."

She wasn't sure if she'd blacked out or fallen asleep or what, but sometime later Natalia found herself tucked under a comforter in Olivia's own bed at the Beacon - decidedly not in the honeymoon suite. Inhaling the scent of clean sheets, she slowly uncurled from her nearly fetal posture. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck.

Olivia's voice drifted in from the other room. "... Double fries, and a chocolate shake," she said into her cell phone as she wandered into the bedroom. She smiled when she saw Natalia was awake. "Make that two shakes," she corrected. She listened to the confirmation of her order, then nodded and flipped her phone shut. She sat on the edge of the bed and cast Natalia a shy, tender smile. "Hi."

"I fell asleep?"

"Yeah. I think you were kind of in shock. I hope this is okay."

Right then, Natalia noticed she was dressed in loose sweats, and the blinding white pleats of her dress were nowhere to be seen. She had no idea how that had occurred, but she couldn't be bothered to care. "It's perfect," she breathed.

Olivia beamed in relief. "Good. I called Rafe and Emma to let them know where we are, and I've ordered a pile of room service. I'm guessing you haven't eaten much the past couple days."

Natalia didn't argue. She hadn't been able to stomach more than a cup of coffee. "I should call Frank, or Buzz..." she began, shifting to sit upright.

"I already did. They told me to tell you they're glad you're all right."

"Oh," Natalia exhaled. She sank back into the pillows, realizing she felt completely safe for the first time in a long time. "Thank you for taking care of me," she whispered.

"Anytime," Olivia replied, with a smile that acknowledged the turnabout in their positions.

Natalia snaked out a hand from under the covers to latch on to Olivia's, sighing when the other woman immediately wound their fingers together. "I've made such a mess of things," she said.

"We all did," Olivia said with a shrug. "It'll be okay."

Natalia felt tears swimming in her eyes again, and she tried to blink them away. "I tried so hard not to feel..." Her voice failed and she began again. "I tried so hard to convince myself that we were just friends."

"We are friends," Olivia said. She shifted closer to stroke Natalia's hair with her free hand.

"But I saw it. I saw how you felt." She sniffled and shook her head. "And I was so afraid."

Olivia bent, pressing her lips against Natalia's forehead in a gentle, chaste caress. When she pulled away, she hovered there, leaning over the best friend she'd ever had, staring deep into soft dark eyes. A lock of hair tumbled across her face, obscuring her view only for a moment before Natalia reached up to brush it away, then left her hand curled around Olivia's neck as they gravitated toward each other.

There was a sharp knock at the door. "Room service, Ms. Spencer!" came the cheery announcement from the hallway beyond. Olivia glared daggers at the door, then looked back down at Natalia.

"If you fire her, I'll just have to apologize and re-hire her in the morning," Natalia whispered. "Be nice."

With a wry snort, Olivia pushed herself off the bed to answer the door. A minute later three hotel staffers filed in and carefully arranged heaping trays of food. One of them dipped her head in Natalia's direction before scurrying off. "Ms. Rivera, we hope you feel better soon," she said, then dodged the annoyed look from Olivia and fled the room.

"How much food did you order?" Natalia asked, a bit alarmed even as her stomach growled in anticipation.

"Two of everything?" Olivia shrugged. "I wasn't sure what you'd want." She grabbed an assortment and delivered a tray back to the bed.

"You'd better be eating with me," Natalia said pointedly.

"Oh yeah. I'm starving... I haven't eaten much lately, either." She pointed a steaming mug of hot chocolate at Natalia in a threatening manner. "And if you even think about apologizing for that, you're going straight to bed with no dessert."

The reflexive regret died unspoken on Natalia's lips. Instead she grinned and reached for a french fry. "Fair enough."

"Good." Olivia slid onto the other side of the bed with her own tray of goodies, and grabbed the TV remote. "Now, what this day really needs is a trashy movie or two."

As they ate and relaxed, the clamor of fearful despondence in Natalia's head began to subside, eased by the constance and comfort of her best friend. She knew this woman, even if the tide of emotion between them now was so new and heavy and life-altering. She knew Olivia's humor, knew her vulnerabilities, and now she knew more than ever the depth of her honor and the strength of her character. She stared at Olivia's profile until the other woman felt the weight of her scrutiny.

"What? Do I have ketchup on my face?" Olivia asked, grabbing a napkin and dabbing it at her lips.

Natalia dropped her gaze and smiled. "No."

"Oh. Are you okay?"

"You know what? I really am," Natalia replied. Her brow furrowed in a thoughtful frown. "This could have been the worst day of my life, but instead I'm here with you. That means I'm okay."

Olivia grinned and returned her attention to her fries.

As wedding nights went, Natalia supposed it didn't rate high on the scale of carnality or passion. But long after the dishes had been cleared, they still sat together, tentatively settling back into each other's company. Later, Natalia wouldn't remember the terrible movies they'd watched, or the mindless chatter they'd shared in the long hours of the night. Instead, she remembered a moment of being overcome with remorse so intense it left her shaking.

So, so slowly, Olivia had scooted closer to her, offering warmth and support. Eventually Natalia burrowed against her friend's side, burying her face in Olivia's neck with a ragged sigh. "I love you," she whispered against Olivia's skin, her voice desperate and raw.

"I love you, too," Olivia replied.

She said it again and again, reverent and sweet, until it became a prayer to them both.

Continue to the next chapter, Something Borrowed.
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